Funny Animals

FUNNY KIDS

INDEX

1.

Cool Animal Jokes

2.

Tongue Twisters

3.

Things to Think About

4.

Knock Knock Jokes

5.

Q & A Jokes

Chapter 1.

Cool Animal Jokes

1.           Why did the pig go to the Casino?

Answer: To play the slop machines.

2.          Why do ducks have webbed feet?

Answer: To stamp out forest fires.

3.          What do you get, when you cross a

 dog with a hen?

Answer: You get pooched eggs!

4.          Why did the foal cough?

Answer: Because he was a little horse.

5.          What’s the best way to keep milk from

 turning sour?

Answer: Keep it inside the cow.

6.          Where do milkshakes come from?

Answer: From excited cows.

7.           What’s the pig’s favorite ballet?

Answer: Swine Lake.

2.

Tongue Twisters

 1. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
    A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
    If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
    Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter
    Piper picked?


2. How many boards could the Mongols hoard
    If the Mongol hordes got bored? 


3. How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? 


4. Denise sees the fleece,
    Denise sees the fleas.
    At least Denise could sneeze
    and feed and freeze the fleas. 


5. Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket
 of  thorns and thistles thumped and thundered    threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew
the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning. 


6. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but
    if  you wish the wish the witch wishes, I 
    won't  wish the wish you wish to wish. 


7. There was a fisherman named Fisher
    who fished for some fish in a fissure.
    Till a fish with a grin,
    pulled the fisherman in.
    Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher. 


8. To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! 

9. Luke Luck likes lakes.
    Luke's duck likes lakes.
    Luke Luck licks lakes.
    Luck's duck licks lakes.
    Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
    Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes. 


10. One-one was a race horse.
      Two-two was one too.
      One-one won one race.
      Two-two won one too. 

3.

Things to Think About

• "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. 
• It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." 
• "Imagination is more important than knowledge." 
• "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
• "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
• "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
• "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
• "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
• "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
• "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
• "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
• "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." 
• "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
• "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
• "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
• "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."                        
    4.
  Knock Knock Jokes
  
  
  
   1. Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      Canoe.
      Canoe who?
      Canoe help me with my homework?
  
  
  2. Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      Orange.
      Orange who?
      Orange you going to let me in?
  
  3. Knock, knock
      Who’s there?
      Iva.
      Iva who
      I’ve a sore hand from knocking!
  
  4. Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      Henrietta.
      Henrietta who?
      Henrietta worm that was in his apple.
  
  5. Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      King Tut.
      King Tut who?
      King Tut-key fried chicken! 
  
  6. Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      Robin.
      Robin who?
      Robin the piggy bank again. 
  
  7.  Knock, knock.
       Who’s there?
       Dwayne.
       Dwayne who?
       Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing! 
  
  
  
  
  5.
  Q & A Jokes
  
  
  1.  Q. Why can't you do a math test in the jungle?
      A. There are too many cheetahs! 
  
  
  2. Q. Why is arithmetic hard work?
      A. All those numerals you have to carry.
  
  
  3. Q. What did the bully have for lunch?
      A. He had a knuckle sandwich!  
  
  
  4.  Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair 
            from the classroom?
       A. Because the teacher told him to take
            a seat. 
  
  
  5.  Q. What do you call a boy with a 
            dictionary in his pocket?
            A. Smartie Pants!
  
  
  
  
  6. Q. What do you get when you cross a 
           teacher with a tiger?
      A. I don't know but you better behave 
           in its class! 
  
  
   ooooooooooooooOOOOoooooooooooooo
  
  
  
  
  Sorry, that's the lot so far dear reader, thank you for reading, what do you think? Should I publish my complete book?
  
  
  Please comment.
  
  
  Regards, 
  
  
  Andre' Hartslief